Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
