I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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