You were right. It hurts to walk today.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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