Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
