I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
