I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
