I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
