Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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