I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Randomize
