(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize