Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Found the puke drawer
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
there is glitter all over my balls
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