i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
