i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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