i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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