My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Welp...herpes.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
