We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
