Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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