I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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