cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
