Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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