that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just cut my nipple shaving
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
This is my gift to your gina
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
