OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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