batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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