It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
