he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
