respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
