Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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