you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
