I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
