Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
How does it feel to date your dad?
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