I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize