It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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