discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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