His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
