'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
