the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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