thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
