we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
