worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
