dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
