I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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