just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
