Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
