If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
