you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
