You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize