help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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