I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
