Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
