worst night to have a conscience
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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