I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
