oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
