he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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