Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
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