just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He shit in the fireplace
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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