hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
