I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
