I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
