Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
