You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
