He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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