So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
