I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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