i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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