I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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